10 Reasons to keep the Ipod OFF your Christmas wish list

With only 2 weeks left until D-day, confirmation that yes, the Xbox 360 is sold out everywhere and that no, your father will not buy you a $600 pair of shoes- even if they are Manolos- you might resort to asking Santa for the trendiest, most recognizable MP3 player of all: The Ipod.
But before you become one of these commuters, living in a tech-bubble, watching the latest Lost episode downloaded for $1.99 on the colored screen, a few lessons that were learned the hard way:


1) After weeks of manual-reading, Apple-website-surfing, you have finally figured out all the features on your Ipod, set the language from Japanese back to English and discovered you can be woken up by the chorus of "Life on Mars" at 7 every morning. The very next day, Apple announces the launch of a newer, improved version of the model. Cheaper.

2) Buying all the "skins", "socks", and other covers to color coordinate your Ipod with your outfit have left you broke.

3) At 99 cents an I-tune, you emptied your piggy bank downloading songs. Your next vacation will thus be spend tanning in your parent's New Jersey backyard, and not sipping Pina Coladas in Costa Rica.

4) You signed up for your first Road-Runners' race, ready to circle Central Park for 9 miles. That's the day your Ipod flat-lines. Literally: No songs, no lights, just a flat line across the screen. You absolutely cannot run without sound. The huffing and puffing of the other racers does not constitute music. Good Luck!





5) Have you seen the lines at the "Genius Bar"- aka "We're too cool to call it a help-desk"? By getting to the NYC Prince street store at 11AM on a Tuesday morning, you'll be informed that there are no more appointments available: You cannot sign up to reserve a time for a following day. You are advised to invest in an extended warranty and look online: Somewhere on the website, you can make an appointment! Found it yet?

6) The "AppleCare" Protection Plan costs $59.00: it extends your warranty to two years and enables you to ship your dead Ipod for free in exchange of a refurbished one. No plan? It will cost you $30 for shipping EVERY TIME you need it replaced.

7) Too much drama: according to www.consumersearch.com, a proposed class-action lawsuit was filed last October in California, alleging that Apple knew about the rampant "Nano issue" (which screen scratches so quickly it makes the video-feature useless), ignored complaints, and deleted postings related to the issue from its Web site.

8) There are cheaper, just as good versions: Circuit City consumer reviews gave the Ipod ($299) a 4.4 rating-out of 5. Creative Lab Zen Sleek ($249) was awarded a 4.5 one. The Ipod 1GB shuffle received a 4.2 rating. The Samsung 1GB got a 4.8. They both cost $129.99. Yes, this means there is a better alternative!

9) The MTA has issued warnings for all Ipod owners that take the subway: Apparently, it could cost you your life. The bright white earplugs give away the fact that you have "that" little MP3 player hidden under your coat. Someone squashed against you may be ready to kill for it.

10) Too busy learning Spanish by listening to Shakira's "La Tortura" over and over again, you never noticed the sexy stranger, with the brown hair and bright smile desperately attempting eye contact with you. And you wonder why you're still single?

Snap! I've got the power.

The hand that holds the velvet rope

She's had death threats from drug dealers and men with a little too much to drink whose egos revolve around them getting inside. She's been offered bribes to look the other way while people walk pass her. She never takes them, she swears. Her workday starts at 10 at night and ends at 4 in the morning. She's one of three women to hold this job in New York City.

Tari is the "door person" of a prestigious Manhattan Night Club. Now don't get confused: the door person is not the one with the list you sign up over some promoter's newsletter. Neither is she the bouncer. Tari is "the one". The one whose "yes'" or "no's" are neither questioned or justified. The one with the final say on whether or not you will walk past the velvet rope, following the steps of celebrities and models.

I catch her on Halloween, at a friend's South Hampton villa. She's in her pajamas, giving out candies to kids, "Before I eat them all" she laughs.
" I represent the owner, the crowd they want inside. How they want to be perceived. It's harder than you think." She adds. "I'm like a Bartender, except I work with people. I have to make sure there's the right amount of everything to create the perfect vibe for a great party, so that those inside will want to come back, and those outside will do anything to get in!"

Tari is in her late 30's and has worked the door of Wax, Life, Lot 61 and Pangea among others. She got her start rather randomly: 8 years ago, she was working as an assistant for NYC promoters Irv Johnson and Billy Thompson, two very well-known and respected night-scene personalities. One evening, she does a woman a favor. Turns out this woman's PR firm is throwing the event at the club that night. It also turns out, she's best friends with Shalom Harlow, top-model of the moment. Next thing you know, Tari is working the VIP rope of Shalom's birthday party and being offered the door of the hottest nightclub in the city.

"How do you get paid? How much do you earn?"
Tari never gives me an answer. You don't discuss money because you're not in it for the money.
"What are you in it for then?" I ask…
Without even thinking about it, Tari answers me. "The people. They're the most valuable part of the job. I've met my closest friends because of the night scene. The money you make, that's just icing on the cake!"
"Is there competition between you and the other door persons?
"Sometimes, she says, it's competitive. We all want the door of the latest hot spot, so there's rivalry. But it's mainly a bond. Because, on this side of the rope, it's us against them!"
"Who's the most famous of you?"
"Henri. People know him because he worked the door at Lotus for the longest time."
After google-ing his name, I find out Henri Binje has had cameos in Zoolander and Hitch and that I actually do know who he is!
"Do you have fun most nights?" I wonder.
There is a long pause: "It's work!" she sighs.

I wonder if it affects her relationships. But it doesn't. When you start at 10 PM, it doesn't take much away from your social life. There's time for brunches, afternoon coffees, and birthday dinners, hot dates and afternoon workouts. Besides, when you work at a club, all your friends can stop by for a drink!

Sounds like a dream job, right? Well, that would be without taking into consideration the death threats from drug dealers who need to get in to make their money or the rich drunks who cannot phantom why you're not letting them in. I wonder if she's thinking about Dana Blake, a 32-year-old bouncer stabbed to death in the spring of 2003, for enforcing the smoking ban in the East Village club he was working at.
"Do your friends worry?" I ask
"Not so much about the violence. It's not like I'm alone at the door. There are big guys, bouncers. They mainly think it's a cool job to have. But they worry about my exposure to drugs and alcohol".
"What does your family think?"
"They think it's a novelty. Something I will grow out of. After all, I'm a writer…but pretty much everyone thinks it's cool…"

When I ask her of fun anecdotes, she laughs, and tells me she has thousands of them. When they get desperate, people will do crazy things to try to get in. She talks about this paparazzi, who walks around with an empty glass in his bag, no coat, and walks in the club, holding the glass, pretending he was out for a smoke. "Now, that's thinking outside the box" she adds. Another time, three guys offered her $100 each to get in. She didn't take it and didn't let them in. "I don't take bribes. Only tips. And Tips are given on the way out!"

I wonder how much of the job is about the power as well…